dude i'm inner monologue high
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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