just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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