you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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