Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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