don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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