shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
we're so committed to being not committed
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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