So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
