she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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