im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
