My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
