There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize