Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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