Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
