i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm too high and old for this...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
