do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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