i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
