there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
