New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
