what if every blade of grass was a penis?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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