if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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