You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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