I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
sex in a hospital.. check
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
