new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize