so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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