i always forget guys have bellybuttons
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
