I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
