I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize