So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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