I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
