I am puke
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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