I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
