Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize