I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
MIDGETS
????
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
