Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
