OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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