I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
