i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
