i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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