Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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