I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
