Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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