I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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