I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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