i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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