Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize