your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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