so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
