Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
