if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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