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Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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