I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
