Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
