I want to walk on stilts...naked
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
