Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
