Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
