I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
