im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Reggie can tackle my bush.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
