I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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