Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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