i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
