you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
