I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
