He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
