There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
