I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
