I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
