He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
