This is not my ceiling
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
