and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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