We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
