i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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