My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
