im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
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