This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
time to smoke my breakfast
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
