That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize