the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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