My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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