i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
