From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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