I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize