I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
