He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
