just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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