I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
