You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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