So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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